CHIBI!
by R-Chan Winner T-Chan
Summary: What happens when the Yami's go...CHIBI?! **Dramatic music.** It goes totally off-topic, so be warned...oh, yeah, R+R!


CHIBI?!  
Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Ozzfest or Kraft Macaroni or Kool-Aid or...or...**Babbles disclaimers on and on and on.**  
Notes: This is a product of my bored mind working it's butt off at eleven thirty in the morning, on a day of Thanksgiving break. Please note that this was entirely written on a computer at my mom's office--huzzah!  
~*~*~*~*~  
The Situation: A Duel Monsters championship tournament takes place in three days, and Yugi wants to enter.  
  
The Problem: Yami is turning into a...CHIBI!  
~*~*~*~*~  
"Yami? YAMI! We need to talk!" Yugi yelled in frustration, as he searched the seemingly empty house for his darker half.  
"What?"   
Yugi's eye twitched. There was something strange about Yami's voice, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.   
"Where are you?!" he called, holding back a stream of curses at Yami.  
"Follow my voice!" Yami yelled back. Yugi began tracking him down.  
"You're getting colder...warmer...hot hot hot!" Yami's voice said. He giggled hysterically.  
Yugi peered under the dining room table, where Yami was. He noted something odd--Yami was surrounded by pieces of paper and crayons, and was...coloring??? Something was definetely amiss.   
"There's a Duel Monsters tournament in three days. We need to start putting together a deck!" Yugi said, hardly holding back his frustration.   
"No!" Yami sounded like he was pouting. "Duel Monsters is boring! I wanna color!"  
That shocked Yugi. "Yami?! Are you okay?" 'You'd never say that in a million years,' he added silently.  
Yami blinked several times. "Yeah. I'm okay." He looked around. "Why am I coloring under the table?"   
Yugi laughed. "You tell me!"  
Yami shrugged and started to get out from under the table. He dusted himself off. "Oh, well. I guess some people just have the urge to act like little kids again, myself included," he said, but sounded vaguely mystified, and a little miffed. "So what was that about a tournament?"   
"Championship, actually," Yugi replied. They both walked to the kitchen, as it was lunchtime and they were both quite hungry.   
"All the to duelists are going to be there, and we...I was invited. We need to start practicing," Yugi said, as he began digging in the fridge for something to eat.   
"Hey, Yugi?" Yami asked as the former's head was buried in the fridge.  
"Yeah?"  
"Can i have macaroni and cheese?" Yami said. Yugi jumped and banged his head on a shelf in the fridge. "What?!"   
"I want macaroni and cheese," Yami said. Yugi pulled his head out of the fridge and rubbed it where he had banged it. "Yami, you're not serious! You HATE mac and cheese, remember?"   
"Yeah, but I WANT it!" Yami's voice had taken the whining quality of a five-year old who had been depreived of a favorite toy.  
"Okay, okay, I'll make you some macaroni," Yugi said. He dug a box of Kraft out of the cupboard and set a pot of water to boil while Yami sat at the table and swung his legs, narrowly missing the cat who was napping under the table. Whiskers hissed and got up to look for a more peaceful place to nap.   
Ten minutes later, Yugi set a plate of macaroni and cheese before Yami, who began to shove it into his mouth. Yugi, quite puzzled and somewhat disturbed at this sudden change of behavior, began to back away.  
In the middle of chewing another mouthful of the noodles, Yami paused. He spat the half-chewed macaroni out on the plate, half-gagging.   
"What is it now?" Yugi groaned, sounded exasperated.   
"I hate macaroni! Why, i repeat, WHY is the name of Ra would you serve this?!" Yami demanded. He picked up his glass of milk and began to chug it to get rid of the cheesy taste in his mouth.   
"You asked for it!" Yugi said, annoyed at his dark half for changing his mind.   
"I don't remember asking to be poisoned," Yami said cooly.  
"You said fifteen minutes ago, 'I want macaroni! Make me macaroni!" Yugi argued back.   
"Well, I don't remember saying that," Yami said.   
Suddenly Yugi remebered the table incident, the coloring, and now the mac'n'cheese incident. He put two and two together, got five, and began to sweat.   
"Yami?"  
"What is it now?!" Yami replied.   
"How old are you?" Yugi asked, praying that he was wrong.  
Yami proudly held up five fingers and smiled. "I'm six!"   
  
  
*Ring.*  
  
*Ring.*  
  
*Ri--*  
"Hello, this is the Wheeler residence."  
"Joey! It's me," Yugi said frantically into the phone. "Listen you need to come over here. NOW."  
"Hey, hey, what's the matter, Yugi? Sounds like something's wrong. Did yer grandpa just croak or somthin'?" Joey sounded nonchalant, as always.  
"Something IS wrong. Something is uncannily, horribly wrong," Yugi said. He looked over at his now-hobbit-sized dark half, who was drinking a juice carton and running around. Once or twice he ran into a wall.   
"Well, what's so important that I have to miss the Miss Universe Pageant? It's on TV right now!" Joey whined.   
"Tear your eyes off of Miss Argentina long enough, get your butt over here, and I'll show you," Yugi said.   
"Should I call anyone else over? If it's more important than a Latino girl who can blow bubbles with her nose, it has to be pretty dang important," Joey retorted.  
"Yeah. Call everyone else. I think Bakura can help me," Yugi said.   
Joey was silent for a moment. Then he said, "Does it have anything to do with wierd hormones? 'Cause it sounds like you're--"   
Then he was holding a dead line.  
  
  
**DING-DONG!**  
"I'll get it!" Yami cried. He ran to the door and pulled it open with some struggling. Outside, Tea, Tristan, Joey and Bakura stood on the doorstep, out of their usual school uniforms. Joey had on his Smashing Pumpkins shirt, which he wore every waking second when there was no school. [1]  
Yami giggled when he saw the low-cut tanktop that Tea wore. Yugi sweatdropped as he carried a bag of chips and some sodas into the living room and set them on the coffee table.   
"Hey,Tea?" Yami asked.   
"What?"   
"Why do you have a butt on your chest?" Yami replied, and giggled insanely. Tea blushed miserably.   
"Yami, that's no question to ask a girl!" Yugi scolded, and pulled the kid away from the door. He opened the screen door to let everyone in.   
"I'm sorry. You see, he's been acting a little childish," he apologized, bowing.   
"Thank goodness! I was hoping I wasn't the only one!" Bakura said. He stepped aside to reveal his Yami, also chibi-sized, pouting with his arms crossed.   
Joey sweatdropped. "Ahh, what's with all the pint-sized evil dudes?"   
"I don't rightfully know myself," Bakura admitted. Yugi nodded. "Yeah, my Yami's been acting really weird ever since this morning. He was coloring under the table, said he didn't like Duel Monsters, and asked for macaroni and cheese at lunchtime. And he doesn't even LIKE macaroni!"   
"Oh, dear," Bakura sighed. It seemed his Yami had caught sight of the Yugi's dark half and was now preparing to punch his lights out. Yami-Yugi also had an equally murderous look on his Super-Deformed face. Yami Bakura jumped forward and prepared to beat up Yami. Ryou yanked back on a leash that was connected to his Yami's (Vast, doughy) midsection. Therefore, the barbaric, murderous chibi was yanked back as well.  
"Whoa. What was _that_?" Yugi asked. Ryou grinned and flushed.   
"You see, I myself was somewhat of a troublemaker when I was young. My parents kept me on this thing so I didn't become a mall terrorist. I had to dig it out because the occaision called for it--this little juvenile gangster was threatening to burn my house down." [2]  
Joey grinned and filed away this soon-to-be-useful piece of information so he could use it in the future.   
"Come on, this is no time to be talking about being...err, mobsters in our younger years," Yugi said. He stepped, just in time, to intervine another one of Yami Bakura's running attacks on the pint-sized King of Games.   
  
Somehow, they got all got inside without either of the chibis murdering the other. They quickly locked the evil children in seperate rooms and gathered around the coffee table.   
Yugi looked around at all of them. "What are we going to do?!"  
Joey was too busy shoving chips into his mouth to answer, Tristan was comforting Tea, who was still blushing miserably, and only Ryou was listening to him.   
"We could ask Miss Ishtar," he suggested quietly. "If it's happened to our Yami's at the same time, chances are it's happened to the other Millennuim Item holders."  
Yugi shuddered as he imagined Yami Malik and Yami Isis as evil chibis.   
"Well, one of us is going to have to stay here and watch the Juvenile Hall escapees," Yugi said. His eyes met Joey's, Tea's, and Tristan's.  
"One-two-three-NOT IT!" they all yelled at the same time.  
Poor Ryou, however was not used to this game, and therefore...  
"Dude, Bakura, I feel for ya," Joey said, before tipping another tube of Pringles into his mouth.   
Bakura was praying.   
  
"Dear God help me."   
  
^_^   
  
"Okay, Ryou, in case they get any younger, the diapers are in the bathroom cabinet, Yami's naptime is at one-thirty, and DO NOT give Yami one of those Kool-Aid bottles," Yugi said, sounding like an overprotective mother leaving instructions for a harried babysitter.   
The poor silver-haired boy jotted those instructions down on an already-filled notepad.   
"Yes, yes, I got all of this. Now GO, and get some information!"   
  
  
"Yami...Yami?" Ryou poked his head into the room where he had locked his Yami in.   
Well, as it was the spare bedroom (bed thrown in as a bonus,) Bakura's Yami had curled up, rather like a cat, beneath a thick blanket.   
(Author's Note: **Jumps up and down.** That sounds too KAWAII! Ah, well. To avoid confusion, from here on in, Ryou will be known as Ryou, his Yami will be Bakura, and Yami Yugi will be Yami. @.@ Too many Yamis!)  
"Aww...how cute," Ryou said softly, as he watched Bakura sleep.   
  
*Blink*  
  
"Uh-oh..." Ryou said as Bakura's eyes snapped open. They gleamed with an evil, murderous, malicious light.   
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! GET IT OFFA ME! GET IT OFFA ME!"   
  
Somehow, Ryou had managed to tear Bakura off of his throat with a minimal amount of bleeding. He gave the chibi a whack on the butt, which sent the evil kid to tears.   
"Ya meanie! You hurt Bakura!" the child sniffled. With that, he burst into tears.   
"Ah, you deserved it, brat; you tried to rip my throat out," Ryou retorted. He sat Bakura down on the bed and knelt down so he was eye-to-eye with his Yami.   
"Now, I'm going to cook lunch. Seeing as how you're awake, I can't watch you and cook at the same time. I'm going to trust you to get along with Yami AND behave at the same time."   
Bakura scowled but nodded.   
Ryou continued, "And if you behave, I just MIGHT let you watch TV."  
Bakura's eyes began to gleam evilly again. "I make an offer I know ya cannot resist," he said, starting to sound like the Godfather. "I be good, give up my mafia reign, and you take me to Ozzfest. Kapish?"   
Ryou shook his head. "No! Ozzfest is no place for a little kid to be."  
"Aww, but Ozzy's there! And he's more immature than me!"   
"No!"  
"Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!" Bakura kept on repeating "Please!"   
  
Well, it's only happened but twice in history, and this was one of those time.  
Ryou, the normally calm, shy, little British boy snapped.   
He snapped like a rubber band.   
  
Bakura shut up and stared at his Hikari as veins began popping out on Ryou's forehead. He insantly grew fangs and began shouting.  
  
"SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BRAT OR I'M GOING TO HAVE TO HURT YOU!" he yelled.  
"YOU ARE NOT, REPEAT, NOT GOING TO OZZFEST OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT! AND IF YOU PUT EVEN ONE SINGLE TOE OUT OF LINE, I'M PERSONALLY GOING TO PUT BOTH OF US ON A FLIGHT TO EGYPT AND FEED YOU TOO THE CROCODILES!"   
  
Well that shut Bakura up.   
  
^_^  
  
"But we need to see Miss Ishtar NOW!" Yugi said, and pounded his fist into the nearest wall, while the security guard at the front desk looked bewildered.   
"But this museum is closed on holiday weekends...besides, shouldn't you kids be at home, practicing Duel Monsters or something?"   
"Here, you better let me handle this," Tea whispered intob Yugi's ear. She tossed back her hair and took off the denim jacket she wore over her low-cut tanktop.   
"Oh, dear..." Joey groaned as Tea slid up to the guard, who looked no more than twenty. She gave him puppy eyes.  
"Aww, but can't you make an exception for _me_?" she asked, putting a slight tone of poutiness in her voice.   
The guard stopped frowning and began drooling.   
'Yes! I got him right where I want him!' Tea thought, smirking. She continued to pout.   
"Are you sure you can't even...let me borrow the keys?" she said, blinking innocently. She began to trace absentminded patterns on the desktop with her fingertips.   
The guard began to dig the keys out of his pocket. "Anything for you," he said. He gave them to her.   
Tea grinned wickedly. "Thanks, you're a hon," she said, winking. The guard flushed and began to feel light-headed.   
Tea tossed the keys to Yugi, who caught them and began to run down the halls to the basement. Tristan and Joey followed, with Tea lagging behind, probably due to the fact that the security guard was latched on to her legs. Anime waterfall tears were pouring down his cheeks.   
"No! Don't leave me!"   
Tea kicked him off of her legs and began running. "Bye-Bye!"  
"I'll see you the same time next week!"   
  
Yugi and Co. slowed down by the time they reached the basement stairs.   
"Man, Tea, how did you do that? I tried the same thing at the McDonald's near my house, but they kicked me out," Joey said. Tea smiled and slung her denim jacket over her shoulder.   
"Joey, you'll never understand. It's a woman thing."   
  
They found Isis Ishtar sitting on a couch, down in the basement. She was drinking tea out of a pink teacup and was having a pleasant conversation with her Yami, who was sitting on a chair opposite and also drinking tea.   
Yugi stared.   
"She's chibi yet she's behaving like someone's grandmother."  
Isis smiled, which was something she rarely did.   
"Girls behave so much better than boys," she said, and pointed to the corner, where her brother Malik was struggling to inject a sedative into his Yami, who was wearing a straightjacket while biting and kicking Malik into a pulp.   
"Yo!" Malik said, waving, and returned to tranquilizing the kid. He finally got the needle in, injected the downer, and instantly Yami Malik drooped like a limp noodle.   
"Err, how much did you give him, brother?" Isis called.   
"Twenty G's of a horse tranquilizer. That much can put out a racehorse for at least two hours." [3]   
"Oh, good," Isis said, and returned to chatting with the little girl sitting across the coffee table from her.   
Yugi blinked.   
"How come they're chibis?"   
Isis sighed and poured another cup of tea.   
"It's called IAS," she said, putting a spoonful of sugar into her Earl Gray.  
"IAS?" Yugi repeated.  
"Insane Authoress Syndrome," Isis said. "You see, whenever an Authoress goes insane, gets on a sugar high, or whatever, they turn chibi or..." she lowered her voice. "...All sorts of terrible things happen."   
"So what do we do about this? I mean, poor Ryou's back home babysitting two juvenile gangsters!"   
"Poor guy," Malik said, and began dragging his Yami to a cupboard. He shoved the straightjacket-clad chibi into the cupboard, slammed the door, and locked it.   
"Well, you have to last out 'till the end of the Authoress's sugar high or whatever," Isis said, thinking. "Then you have to make the chibi stand on one leg, hop like a kangaroo, and bawk like a chicken."   
"And that's the proven way of fixing it?" Yugi asked eagerly.   
Isis nodded. "It seemed to work for me," she said.   
"Yes! Thank you, Miss Ishtar, Malik," Yugi said, bowing.   
"Oh, no problem," Isis said. Malik nodded, as the cupboard began to rattle violently.   
Yugi and Co. ran back up the stairs, slamming the door, just in time as chibi Malik burst out of the cupboard and latched onto Malik's throat. Malik screamed like a little girly and began thrashing around.   
"That's good, brother, show him who's boss!" Isis said, pouring a cup of tea for her Yami.   
  
^_^  
"Great! Now all we have to do is wait out the...oh shoot..." Yugi trailed off when he saw the lovestruck security guard standing by the front door--their only way out. He held a key and Yugi noticed the door was locked.   
"Oh, hello," Tea said, and tried to slide her way past the guard and get out the door. She tugged on the handle as the security guard cackled insanely. Joey sweatdropped and began to wonder if the guard had a Yami.   
"You got away from me once, and I'm not going to let it happen again! I looooooovvveee you!" the guard yelled, and latched onto Tea.   
"Umm, sir, we're kind of in a hurry," Yugi said politely. "If you would please let us through, she'll go out on a date with you next Friday."  
"No I won't!" Tea mouthed to Yugi, but the guard nodded and unlocked the door. "Okay, then! See you next Friday, sweetie!"   
  
^_^  
"I can't believe you fixed me up with that guy," Tea said as they walked out to the museum's parking lot. "I mean, he's what, five years older than me? And he didn't even ask me my name!"  
"So? It's a nice age difference," Tristan pointed out.   
Joey laughed. "Besides, you love him, don't you?" His voice was a little too sweet. "So age don't matter!"   
Tea cracked her knuckles. "Keep on going on like that, Joey, and I'll personally make sure thst your next girlfriend knows that you have action figure blankies and you still sleep with a nightlight. Kapish?"   
Joey clapped his hands over his heart as they began walking down the sidewalk. "Oh, no, not that!" he said in a high voice. "Whatever shall I do?"   
  
^_^  
"Whatever shall I do?" Ryou sighed to himself as he watched Bakura and Yami scrabble over the remote control. They were switching it between a monster truck rally and Ozzfest Live.   
"I wanna watch Ozzy! Gimme back the remote you piece of...!" Bakura yelled into Yami's ear. Ryou's eyes widened.   
"Bakura, I didn't know you had such a...colorful...vocabulary!"  
"**CENSORED!**, gimme the remote or I swear I'll **CENSORED** ram **CENSORED** **CENSORED** up your **CENSORED!**" the chibi yelled, ignoring his babysitter.   
"Hey, what's with all the obscenity?" Tristan wondered.   
Bakura sighed. "Thank God you're here. They've been little brats all day. Little brats," he added.   
"But Yugi, I've been good," Yami said, looking up at his (for once) taller Hikari.   
"Of course, Yami," Yugi said.   
"I better get paid extra for this," Ryou grumbled. "Because I'm NEVER going to do this again! No, next time, I'll let you deal with the buggers. Yes, I'll take a vacation. A nice, quiet vacation back to England. Oh, I can taste all the tea already!" he stopped talking and began to drool as he imagined all the tea he would drink.   
  
^_^  
  
"Hey, I think the IAS is beginning to wear off!" Tea exclaimed a few hours later. True, everything seemed to return to normal, and the chibis seemed to grow taller every second.   
"Quick!" Yugi yelled, "Yamis! Stand on one foot, hop like a kangaroo and bawk like a chicken!"  
Well, the kids, since they were kids, thought this was a game. Therefore, they stood on one foot, and hopped like a kangaroo while bawking like a chicken.  
  
*zap*  
  
"Errggghhh my head..." Yami Bakura groaned. He looked down at himself. "Ryou, why am I standing on one foot?" He put his foot down and tried to look unhumiliated.   
Ryou ran up to his Yami and gave him a BIIIGGG HUUUGG. "It's so good to have you back!" he squealed.   
"ACK! Get offa me you little weak fool!"   
Joey looked at everything.   
  
"Yup, everything's back to normal!"  
  
.::In the not TOO distant future...::.  
  
"AAAGGGHHH! THE CHIBIS ARE REVOLTING!" Yugi screamed and ran around, flailing his arms around his head.   
The attacking chibis, consisting of Yami, Yami Isis, and Yami Malik cackled and chased him around.  
  
**Meanwhile, in England...**  
"Ahh, so good to be home," Ryou sighed as he stepped off the plane. His little British friends greeted him in the airport.   
"Say, any of you up for some tea?"  
"Oh, yes, yes, quite! So wonderful to have you back, mate..."  
Ryou sighed contentedly as he sipped tea. He smiled as he imagined his friends back in Japan, being chased around by chibis...  
**scratchscratch.**  
Ryou sweatdropped as he opened his suitcase---and he promptly screamed.   
"Hey, Ryou, think you could pass me some tea? It was kind of warm in the suitcase, and your cologne isn't the nicest thing to drink," chibi Bakura said.   
"Hey, Ryou, this your little brother or something?"   
"Oh shut up," Ryou grumbled, and passed his pint-sized Yami a cup of tea.  
  
~*OWARI!*~  
T-Chan: Didya like? No like? Kapish? I'm so sorry, it was rather long, but hey, I was bored!  
[1] Joey seems like a Smashing Pumpkins kinda guy. **Shrugs.** It was either that or *NSYNC, and I know whom I would prefer...  
[2] I got the "Juvenile Gangster" part from a song called "Only a Lad," which seemed to fit this fanfic.  
[3] **Sighs.** I admit, I spend way too much time at the local stables. Well, I also kinda want to be a equine vet *when* I grow up. But I'll probably be a fangirl. ^.^ 


End file.
